I was twenty years old and it was summer of 2011. At the time, Jeremy and I lived in separate houses. Jeremy's house was more of the chaotic house. It was always full of loud country music, barbequing and drinking games. There were five boys in total that lived there along with my best friend and cousin who both lived there with their boyfriends, so as you can tell it was a constant party. On the other hand, I had my studio. My studio was very calming. It always smelled of incense and lit candles. With my beautiful crystals and Buddha figures on my shrine. Yoga mat, coffee cup and water canteen always ready to go for my weekly hikes and meditation on the beach. As you can tell they were two very different houses, with two completely different agendas. But that was the best part, that summer was filled with so many activities, friendships and memories but most of all finding myself.
It was August 7th, three days before my twenty first birthday. It was the morning after Jeremy's best friends birthday party, and he had told me that he had a feeling I was pregnant. I thought he was completely crazy, but a little too scared to find out. I hadn't been on birth control for a while because it was making me spot every time I took a pill so I was cleaning my body out for a couple months. With Jeremy being very certain about his feeling I made sure to get the test before my birthday. which by the way I had been planning for MONTHS, It was a "white trash bash" we had slosh ball, bubble wrestling, a boxing ring and contests, SO FUN. anyways, that day I went to the store and bought a pregnancy test. Thinking nothing of it, drank a bottle of water, went home, sat down and peed on the stick. Set it down and walked away for a couple minutes. came back into the bathroom and OH MY GOD. TWO lines?! That means I'm.. Pregnant. I was SO scared. I ran to the closest store and bought three more tests. Came home, drank as much water as I could and peed three different times. And each and every one came out positive. Now don't get me wrong, Jeremy and I had talked about having a baby before, just not quite yet. I didn't feel that I had everything together. And I only had ten short months to completely figure out my entire life and make sure I can provide an even better one for my child? I was SO scared.
I immediately called Jeremy, told him that we were pregnant and he made sure to stay calm (as always) and reassure me that everything was going to be okay. That he wasn't going anywhere and everything was only going to get better from there on out. We were blessed with something we had never met, heard or seen but we were both immediately in love.
Jeremy had told his mother on her birthday, he framed the ultrasound and wrapped it up as a gift and she was elated. he knew she was going to be excited. Me on the other hand, I was scared to tell anyone in my family. I was scared they were going to lecture me, tell me I didn't know what I was getting into, or wasn't stable enough. But each and every one of them were completely accepting and just told me no matter what they would all be there for me. Everyone was so excited to become aunts, uncles and grandparents.
So, long story short- we live in a RIDICULOUSLY expensive town, both still in collage, with a dog. So we needed a decent size house, where dogs are aloud, well we weren't going to find that for any less than 2500 a month. Looks like Jeremy was going to be working his life away. So we looked and looked for a couple months and couldn't find anything that would even allow a dog. I had finally went to my mom and told her I needed help finding a place. I knew my grandma and grandpa owned a two story apartment, but there was no way they would let us live there. My grandma was always very strict and stern with us, especially when it came to her home or possessions. Well, My grandma hadn't been doing very well, she started to get memory loss. When my mom and I approached her about possibly renting out her apartment, she had no problem with it. My grandpa was completely fine with it, he thought it was a great idea and would love to have us in there, considering it was just their vacation home and they couldn't travel much anymore. It was because of my grandmothers memory loss that she was okay with it. Having her go through that was so hard for all of us to see, to see her completely changing right in front of us. She could barely remember I had told her I was pregnant ten minutes after I had told her the great news. It was difficult to cope with but we also know none of this would have happened if it weren't for that. Having her go through that was probably one of the saddest but happiest times I had to deal with emotionally. I hated not seeing my grandma remember anything, but it was also the happiest I had seen her. She finally wasn't worrying about every little thing out there. She was just, free.
So, we ended up moving in that day (Jeremy couldn't wait to get the heck out of his crazy house and finally settle) It had taken us months and months but our home ended up being right in front of us. My grandmother ended up selling me her car as well, because I was driving a 1985 Volvo before, and we all agreed that wasn't a safe car to be driving with a new born. My grandmother helped me in more ways that she could ever imagine, and I couldn't be happier. She ended up passing away a few months later. She never got to meet Benjamin face to face, but I know they met. The night we got the phone call, and knew she would be crossing to the other side Benjamin was only a couple months old. We were all laying in bed and randomly Ben looks into the air and gets a HUGE smile and laughs, for the very FIRST time. Jeremy and I both knew he saw my grandmother. We felt her there right next to us, and I could only imagine what she was saying to Benjamin to make him laugh. They always say, when one soul leaves, another one enters. And I know she protects us in her house each and every day- letting me earn an extra beautiful feather.
So, we finally had everything set. A home, a car, a bunch of old furniture and a very dusty house that we couldn't wait to clean. The next five months were full of projects, working, cleaning, and making everything perfect while we patiently waited for our little creation.
(pregnancy, labor and delivery will be my next post, so stay tuned!)
amazing <3
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