Growing up I always had a hard time finding myself and my purpose here on earth.
 

It is said that between birth and age thirty is your karmic incarnation years. Meaning learning your lessons and finding yourself.  After that, it is how you apply the lessons you have learned into shaping the person who you have grown and want to be.

 

 

 

I came from parents who were complete opposites, and were divorced since I

 was 16 months old. My mother is a healer. She is a physical therapist but connects to healing on many different levels. I grew up in her house, which was surrounded by peaceful music, the smell of sage, beautiful aura and energy photos, healers, dream catchers and all things positive. I was raised at my moms house and usually only went to my dads a day or two during the weekends.

As for my dad, I have some amazing memories with my father. Riding dirt bikes, building mosaic pieces out of stumps of wood, getting hot chocolate and scratchers every Sunday and constantly being surrounded my noise.

 I try to remember all the good times I have experienced with him but the bad memories will never fade. The flashbacks I get of my dad yelling at my step mom, throwing items in the house at her and being stuck in the middle. I distinctly remember going back and fourth to each one of them and asking if they were okay. One in the bedroom and one in the living room. checking up on them and trying to make things right. But when you are only ten years old, there was clearly nothing I could do. The thought of him constantly being gone or in his garage, us packing up and moving every six months because we were evicted from the noise, him being taken away to jail, and that one way hug I would have to give him when his hands were always locked behind his back. The drugs, the garage, the anger, the men constantly in and out of the house. Not quite the environment you would imagine for a little girl to grow up in.

I had always had a pretty strong guard up. I chose not to let people in very easily. I always said I was like a turtle, guarded by my little shell. Being raised and not being able to rely on any adult figure but your mother was kind of my wake up call, it was my time to grow up at a young age. I remember my mom telling me when I was about eleven years old,  "Don't count on anyone but me, Lauryn. I don't want you to be let down." And boy should I have listened. But the good thing about that is it has made me into a stronger woman than I could have ever imagined, and taught me what not to be. Taught me to be trustworthy, strong, independent and best of all, how to be an amazing mother and friend.

 

I would say my past had a huge part in shaping me into the good and bad choices I decided to take blooming into adult hood. I have slowly learned to trust and balance certain relationships. I take pride in the loyalty and genuine love I put forth to my friends and family and receive the same love back. It has taken me years to learn you cant count on everyone, but you can count on certain people. Just because someone has let you down, doesn't mean everybody will. And there ARE some amazing people with genuine hearts, you just have to find the right ones and trusting can be an amazing thing.

 

 The good, the bad, the happy and the sad, it will all shape you into the person you are meant to be. We all have a journey, a story and a happy ending. Its just a process you have to go through to get there.

 

Every battle to me, is just earning yet another feather.  

 

 

 

(my next blog will be pregnancy, labor and delivery story!)